Faith, Even Angels Fall
by SweetHepatica
Summary: A story about chaos. It seems the seraphim ISN'T always in control. *****UPDATE***** Ch. 8, hot and fresh!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Xenosaga or anything related to it. I do own this story, however.

This is a quick 1st chapter. I promise to make the next chapters longer so long as I get readers who enjoy this story. It's mostly about chaos and something he's suffering that (in my story) happened near the end of Ep.I. Maybe it's why he's a little more reserved in Ep.II? We'll see. Also, there are possible spoilers for Ep.III, or at least what I'd like to think connects to Ep. III. Enjoy, and please leave a review even if it's brief. Thank You.

The Waves

The pain emanated throughout his entire body and he now felt so helpless to stop it. All he could do now was rely on the help his companions offered. The nausea came in large waves and consumed all his energy and self control. In the end, that energy and control was to no avail. He fell once more to the ground, onto his knees as he clutched his stomach and cried out in pain. He shut his eyes and finally just let it happen. Fluids spattered from his mouth onto the grass and onto his clothes with a terrible force. He began to tremble violently. How much longer would he have to endure this? He was in too much pain to be embarrassed, but even still, the two that accompanied him did their best to make sure he wouldn't become the focus of others in the area.

Tony and Shion gently guided him to the back side of the small building that stood next to the busy park. That's when his body gave in and he completely lost control. His mind was awake, but he was helpless to do anything about what was happening to his physical being.

His eyes shut tight as if in pain and he could feel what was about to happen next, and to his embarrassment, he couldn't stop it. His body began to convulse violently on the ground where Tony had gently placed him, and he could feel his lower half becoming very warm and wet. He'd lost control in the worst way for the first time. Shion couldn't hold her tears back anymore and she hid her face with the back of her arm as she began to softly cry. She had never seen this happen to anyone. She'd heard of it, but never of anything this violent and crippling. It seemed to go on forever.

"Why does this have to happen?" she thought. She wiped her tears away as his body suddenly stopped. For a long two seconds he seemed to not even breathe. It was the saddest sight of a broken angel on the ground. Knowing what she had to do next, she regained her composure and reached for the medical kit that Tony always carried with him. Not too long ago, just before leaving the Elsa she had joked with him about it. Now she knew his reasons. This was the second time in one week. She couldn't help but feel admiration for him, for helping chaos keep such a personal thing private.

Chaos slowly opened his eyes and drew a quick sob. He curled up into himself. "It's okay, man." Tony tried to comfort him and gently placed his leg under chaos' head. He gingerly swept a few sweaty strands of silver from his brow. They let a minute pass for him to recover. "How' you feelin'," Tony looked down and asked an obviously exhausted chaos. "Do you think you can make it back to the Elsa? Do you want your medicine?" chaos closed his eyes for a moment as another wave of nausea began to slowly creep up on him. "I'll take the medicine," he hoarsely whispered. "Shion," Tony motioned for her to bring the small medical kit closer.

She pulled out the syringe with the medicine chaos needed to help him control his seizures. "It's such a painfully long needle," she thought as she prepared the liquid medication. It was about three inches in length and wasn't very thin either, but that's what was needed in order to properly administer the medicine. It's the quickest, most effective way for the nanomachines to arrive immediately at their most important destination.

"Are you ready, chaos?" Shion asked as she pushed a few air bubbles out of the syringe. chaos closed his eyes and nodded. "Okay, sweetheart," she pushed the feathery silver locks that met the nape of his neck out of the way. "Take a deep breath for me," he inhaled slowly, finding her gentle voice comforting. "Relax," she whispered as she punctured the flesh just below the bottom of his skull. The injection was angled towards the base of his brain. As much pain as this caused him for the first few minutes, he couldn't afford to jerk or do anything other than to simply lie there as limp as possible while the needle was still in his body. Sadly, it was something he was gettin used to again.

Shion slowly pushed the medicine into his body as gently as possible. "There we go, babe," she motioned with her free hand to Tony for the small piece of gauz she'd handed him during preparation. Chaos felt a sense of relief as Shion pulled out. "I'll hold pressure on here for a minute while you adjust to the medication, okay?"

By the next second, chaos couldn't respond. He just lay there, softly trembling, with tears rolling to the grass beneath him and his eyes shut tightly. This physical pain was so immense, but there was no other way to help him control this. He tried his best to regulate his ragged breathing. The medicine was spreading fast. He could feel the seering heat slowly invade his brain...his ears...his eyes...his mouth...his throat...his chest. Then came the thousands of icey needles. This was a little better, but not much. It only helped him to know it was almost over.

Shion took her coat off and covered him with it. He didn't want her sacrificing her clothes for his dignity, but the angel was still in too much pain to protest. She bent down and tenderly kissed his temple. He could feel his heart finally start to calm down. Tony could see him trying to fight off the drowsiness that both the seizure and medicine had induced. "Get some rest, buddy," he whispered tenderly. chaos felt the comforting darkness take him away and he could refuse it no longer. He sighed, softly, what seemed like sweet relief.

_Her silky, dark hair swept back and forth with her rocking motion, tickling the skin on his chest. The sunlight crept in just right, and made this vision of perfection quite the delight to him. He held his focus with her eyes for a long second, just before attaining the most powerful bliss ever imaginable. He gasped as his heavenly eyes fluttered shut and he let the wave consume him._

_A few moments later, once he finally came back down from his high, she laid down beside him. He pulled her closer to him, taking in her beautiful scent as they lay by the window._

_Suddenly his heart was broken, as realization hit him once again, to relive this memory and be helpless to change things. He couldn't stand the thought that such a beautiful, sacred moment to him would end all too soon. He placed a warm hand on the smooth flesh just below her naval, thinking of the daughter he would never get to hold. For now, he would simply enjoy this "gift" of a dream. Together, they let the warm spring sunshine lul them to sleep..._

Author's Note: Hope this fanfic doesn't scare any readers away. I know this story started out really cruel to chaos, but I promise it gets a little better. Please read and review.


	2. Chapter 2

After much needed rest, chaos began to stir. He slowly opened his eyes and found himself in a small and quiet room, softly lit by one lamp near the head of his bed. He looked down at his own body to find that he was no longer wearing his own clothes but was instead wearing a hospital gown. He blushed a bit.

He softly sighed as he began to sit up. He was still quite drained. Deciding it was best to move as slowly as possible, chaos sat for a moment, letting his body get used to consciousness. How long had he been asleep anyway?

He stretched his arms up above and behind his head as he stood, feeling the cold, hard floor beneath his feet. "I wonder if I'm in the Durandal," he thought to himself. Not used to having barely anything on, he shivered and wrapped his arms around himself as he made his way to the door. Just as he was about to open it, Jr. and MOMO walked in. chaos quickly scrambled his hands to make sure his gown was wrapped completely around him.

"Hey man! You're awake. How ya feelin'?" Jr. asked as they continued to walk in despite chaos' obvious shyness. chaos backed away and made his way back to his bed. "Uh…I'm doing fine now. I…hope I didn't ruin anyone's day off," he replied sheepishly. "No! Why would helping you ruin anyone's day?" MOMO sounded offended. "Besides, we have the entire rest of the week," she smiled at him. "We just want to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah, uh…hey, we brought you some food." Jr. handed chaos a small take-out box. "You've slept the entire day away, we figured you must be starving."

"Thanks," chaos raised the box up as a sign of appreciation. He sat back in his bed and opened the box gingerly. Jr. watched in eager anticipation, as if he hadn't eaten anything all day either.

"From what I understand, this is something that isn't new, correct?" MOMO asked chaos. "Uh…" "I mean your episodes of seizures," she waited for a reply as she rocked back and forth on her heels. "Yes, you're right," he replied softly. "The last time I started losing control like this….." he shook his head as if in doubt. "Well, it's been a while." "Do you know what is causing it? It seems the medication only helps for a short while and in order to stave this illness off for a while, they have to give you quite a bit." chaos hadn't been expecting her to ask so much. "Well, I'm not sure what it is…but, I've managed to cope with it my entire life. No one, as far as I know, can help keep it away for very long. The longest I've gone without an episode is….10 years, maybe." chaos seemed to go into a daze. "You okay, chaos?" Jr. handed chaos a plastic fork from the bedside tray. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just can't shake off this exhaustion. It's not going to get any better, I'm afraid." He looked deflated. "Well, you should get to eating before I do it for ya, I'm still starving." chaos was already handing the food back over to Jr., ready to share, "I really don't eat this much, I don't mind if," they looked to the door as Captain Matthews and Hammer walked in. "Hey chaos! Good to see you're doing better!" Captain Matthews messed with chaos' hair. "Hey man!" Hammer said cheerfully, patting chaos on the leg.

The room filled with cheery conversation. By the time chaos could look over in Jr's direction, he was already halfway through chaos' food. chaos could only giggle to himself. It was a good hour before the noise of happy conversations was interrupted by a doctor and a nurse.

"Hello everyone," the doctor said as he walked in. "Wow, chaos it looks like you've got quite a few checking up on you today," he smiled down at him. "How are you feeling?" The nurse was wheeling in some equipment. chaos wrapped his arms around himself and wore a slight scowl, almost looking ashamed of himself. He didn't answer, just stared at his feet. "Hey, you okay man?" Jr. looked up from the now empty container. Once again, chaos snapped out of his daze. "Uh…yeah, I'm sorry. I'm fine. I'll be okay." He smiled weakly.

"Well, if you all will excuse us, we'll be having to run some tests and ask chaos a few questions that may be personal. We'll let you know as soon as we're done and you can have the rest of the night here with him." "Sure, no problem," Capt. Matthews replied. "C'mon kiddos! Let's give chaos some privacy and some rest." "Hey, sorry for eating your dinner chaos," Jr. scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "We'll bring you some more. It….heh, it was really good." "That's fine, Jr. Thank you," chaos replied quietly.

The group exited the room, leaving chaos alone with the doctor and the nurse. He'd been through this many times before. He didn't like it one bit and just wished he could evaporate and never have to go through this again. "Hey, chaos," the doctor looked worried for him. "I promise you'll be okay. I know you don't like this, but we really have no other choice." chaos was now hugging his knees tightly to his chest.

Before they could proceed with their checkup and tests, chaos flopped back onto his pillow and began to convulse again. The nurse hit the call button for more assistance. This night was going to be a little more difficult for all than was anticipated.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3 In a Dream World

Author's note: I know the first two chapters have focused on chaos' suffering and dealing with unexplainable seizures. I promise it will get better. I want to let the readers know really quick that although I have known people in real life who have had seizures, I don't plan on making any of the medical stuff dealing with chaos true to life. Most of it (if not all) will be completely fictional and not very true-to-life. So, hopefully I won't offend anyone. As always, I'm open to ideas and constructive criticism. PLEASE REVIEW! Lady Eos, thank you for your reviews. They are much appreciated and really do help to motivate me and keep me from procrastinating too much.

Disclaimer: I do not own Xenosaga, any of it's characters, or anything else that is related to the game. I do, however own this story. P.S. Sorry I didn't add a disclaimer for ch.2, even so, the same applies there.

Hope you enjoy Ch. 3

chaos could once again feel the painful medication coursing through his body. This time, however it wasn't enough to knock him out completely. He could still hear what was going on around him and, although just barely, he could see the commotion begin to calm down around him.

"Okay, we've got him stable now. I don't think we'll have anymore surprises tonight. Thank you for the extra help," the doctor told the two nurses, who had been paged and were the first to respond, as they walked out. "chaos…" he lightly tapped his hand. chaos just lay there with his eyes half opened, focusing on nothing. "Hey, I know you're there. Listen I'll be as quick as possible with this information I have for you, that way you can get some more rest. I know you're probably tired of being stuck here, but it's obviously still what you need." The doctor gently patted his arm and turned to grab his clipboard from the nurse that accompanied him. chaos could no longer feel his body. He just felt himself becoming numb and drifting. He could still hear the doctor, but it felt as if he was no longer in the spot where he was obviously lying.

"Stay with me for just a little bit and I promise I'll be outta your hair, okay? So, we know this has happened before, and just like now, they were unexplainable. From what I've seen, the medication they provided to you before was in extremely high doses and causes you to sleep much longer than you would like. I know from those you work with that you've had to take time off that you would rather not so that you can avoid any mishaps from losing consciousness." He looked over at chaos, who still hadn't moved or even blinked. "What I would like to try this time is give you a mega dose, all at once, and it would be constant for at least the next three months. The basic functions of the nanomachines would be the same as your last medication, only it will be the equivalent of all the medication you had to take during the course of three months, all at once. We've programmed the medication to work on a time-release schedule rather than you or someone else having to repeatedly medicate you. This will help keep you from having to sleep as much as you did before, and it will be less debilitating. On the downside, it will be very strong to begin with, but once you get used to it, you'll be able to function perfectly fine."

chaos' eyes began to slowly close the rest of the way. The doctor got up and patted him on the knee. "Get some good rest and tomorrow you can let me know if this is right for you." He turned and spoke with the nurse about getting chaos' vitals one more time for the night. She quickly pointed her laser at his upper arm for his temperature, took his pulse, and then tucked him in and raised the bars on the sides of the bed. He was finally completely out, and they turned out the lights and closed the door behind them.

Two hours later (on the Elsa):

Captain Matthews and Hammer walked in with a few supplies they needed for the ship and some food. Tony had just disconnected with someone from the hospital. "Hey, Tony we brought ya some grub…thought you'd want a bite to eat before heading out for the night," Captain Matthews handed Tony the food. "Thanks Captain! Hey, uh that was the hospital…did you guys get to go see chaos after all?" "Yeah, he looks like he's doing pretty good," Hammer replied. "Well, not so good now. They said if anyone had plans on returning tonight to just save it for tomorrow. He had another seizure." "Oh no. I hope they can help him. I know I couldn't take all of that," Captain Matthews shook his head. "Well, we'll go check on him tomorrow. Looks like we might have a few more days here that we expected."

"Hey Little Master," the Captain said over the UMN console. "Hey Captain Matthews, what's the good news?" Jr. always asked him that, even when he expected bad news. "Well, looks like chaos is gonna need a little more time in the hospital. They just called us and told us he won't be able to have visitors again until tomorrow. He's had another seizure." "Oh man, poor chaos…did they give any details? Are you guys gonna need some more time before your departure?" "Yeah, I'm afraid so," he tugged on the brim of his cap. "Alright. Well…we'll be there for him tomorrow as well. We'll see you then." With that the Captain and Jr. disconnected.

"chaos," Jr. thought to himself. "You better let us help you this time."

_He could feel his legs walking quickly. He felt elation. The trees and fields were greener than ever. He could smell the blossoms and the fruit of the trees, so rich and sweet. He looked down at his left arm, which felt warm and then over to his right, which seemed to be carrying a canteen of sorts. Suddenly he remembered...he was going to see her. His day had been a quiet one and he'd wanted to do this for so long. Yeshua had stopped by the small bakery and had gotten a couple of small pastries with some money he'd set aside specifically for a day like this. He'd also brought some of his own wine to share. Oh, how he couldn't wait to see her!_

_Although it seemed to him that he'd walked forever, getting to town wasn't more than a 20 minute walk. This time it couldn't have taken him more than 10. He walked into the small tailor shop and looked around, bright eyed like a child in a candy shop. "Hello, Yeshua," a kind voice came from behind a table full of fabrics. "Hello, Lady Madelynn! Please tell me Maria is here," he eagerly greeted the head seamstress. "She is, indeed. She's out back, hanging some freshly dyed linen. You can go and see her." "Oh, thank you! I promise I won't take up too much of her time…thank you!" "Go on," she motioned, laughing to herself._

_Maria was hanging the last burgundy sheet when she noticed his shadow lurking nearby. She softly giggled to herself. "Oh, how I wish that Yeshua would FINALLY come to visit again," she was obviously teasing him. He had peeked over the fabric just in time to see her whirl around in the other direction. She picked up her basket and pranced over to the line with the dried fabrics. The way she looked, dancing in circles, her hair…… that long, beautiful hair, blowing in the breeze, and her soft giggle…it made his heart soar. He quickly walked up behind her and gently wrapped his arms around her. "Mmm," she sighed and leaned back into his embrace. "Am I really so lucky for my wishes to be granted so easily?" She teased him. "Hello, beautiful." She always blushed at those words. She loved how they sweetly and softly made their way out of his mouth. She loved how his breath tickled her hear._

"_Oh my goodness, Yeshua! Has it really been that long? You're taller than me now." "Am I?" He stood up as straight as possible. "Oh never mind, I think we're the same height now." Those words quickly deflated him. "Well, it's better than before," she tried to cheer him up. "At least now they won't ask if I'm your older sister, ha ha!"_

"_I brought you something," he quickly changed the subject, handing her the wrapped pastries. Her eyes lit up. "Oh you shouldn't have! Thank you!" She hugged the package to her chest, smelling the sweet cinnamon that wafted from the food. She thought for a moment. "Let's go down to the river!" "But…don't you have to stay until Lady Madelynn leaves?" Yeshua asked worriedly. "I can leave for a little while. Besides, I have nothing to do until the last line has dried." She began walking towards the river, just down the hill behind the shop. She stopped for a second and looked behind her. He could never resist that look. He was powerless. Wherever she went, he followed._

_They sat by her favorite tree by the water and she opened up the pastries. The afternoon went nicely for them. They talked and laughed over their "picnic" together. chaos could once again feel the sadness settle in his heart as he realized that this beautiful, vivid memory would have to come to an end soon. He could feel himself drifting away from himself. He suddenly felt like an intruder. Like he was watching someone else's happiness unfold…_

"chaos," the nurse gently squeezed his hand. "How are you feeling?" He could still barely hear her. Maybe he didn't want to hear her at all. Maybe he'd just let himself fall back asleep. How he wished sometimes that he'd never wake up.

He slowly opened his eyes. He sighed softly and then looked up at the nurse with a very weak smile. "The doctor will be in to see you in just a moment. He'll be discussing possible treatments for you with you and your crew. I'm just going to connect an IV to you and take your stats." chaos could feel his stomach growling. He felt so empty inside, both physically and spiritually. He couldn't wait to get back to his dream world. For once, he could care less about everyone else. He no longer wanted to be there.

Author's Note: Just FYI, chaos' (Yeshua's) memories are not in order. Some memories are from when he'd known Maria for a while, and some are when he'd first met her. Hope this chapter didn't seem too rushed. Please leave feedback. Thank you.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I promised my readers a longer chapter, and here it is. Hopefully I don't disappoint.

Thank you very much to those who've reviewed! Lady Eos, caiyoko, Youko-Kuronue…you have no idea how motivating it is to get reviews. I appreciate it very much. I hope I do not disappoint with this chapter.

Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own Xenosaga or any of its characters. This story, however is my own.

Enjoy Chapter 4!

**Chapter 4: Uninvited**

He opened his eyes to see the Elsa crew watching him with anticipation. "Hey, chaos! You okay?" Tony softly pinched chaos' toes. He was still in the clothes he'd worn to town the previous night. chaos had to smile at the thought that Tony probably didn't even make it back to the Elsa that night and most likely ended up in some hotel room with a girl. That was Tony for you.

chaos looked around to see the Captain and Hammer sitting by the foot of his bed. "Your awake," Hammer noticed chaos watching them and listening to their conversation. "Yeah," his throaty response was barely audible. "The doc should be here soon to explain what's gonna happen. It's up to you though. I don't know if he's already spoken to you about the medication," chaos nodded at Captain Matthews' words. "So, do you know if that's what you want to do?" The Captain wasn't so sure if this would work. He felt somewhat like a father to chaos, and he couldn't help but worry and feel sadness for the angel.

"I guess I don't have much of a choice," chaos softly giggled. The usual soft glow that emanated from his aquamarine eyes seemed to be a bit dimmer. For a long second he'd let his guard down and they could see a tiny fraction of the tremendous sadness he harbored. That alone was almost too much for them. How in the world could he keep it to himself for so long? How in the world could anyone live like that? Somehow, in that instance, they knew he had to. "chaos," Captain Matthews finally broke the awkward silence. "It'll be okay. I promise. We're here for you." He grabbed chaos' hand and squeezed it gently, hoping it was some sort of reassurance.

With that, Jr. and the doctor could be heard coming down the hall. They were discussing chaos' treatment. "That's no problem at all," Jr. responded to a question. "We'll do what we have to for him and we'll take all the time necessary of us. So long as it's okay with him, I don't imagine there should be any problems. We'll keep who we need here with him." "Very well," the doctor responded as he opened the door, shutting off his clipboard.

The room got even quieter as the doctor shut the door behind him. "Hello everyone," he nodded towards the crew. "What's with the long faces? No one's died yet." Everyone's eyes about bugged out of their heads as the doctor began to laugh heartily, then he abruptly stopped. "I can assure you that no one will die. It was…I was only kidding." Tony had a skeptic look on his face. Hammer just gave him a dirty look. The Captain and Jr. both let out a sigh of relief. chaos seemed to be the only one who remained calm.

"Okay," the doctor proceeded as he opened up his clipboard once again. "chaos, can you remember any of what we discussed last night?" "Yes," he softly replied. "Great. I'll skim over it once again for the others and if anyone has any questions then I can go into details and hopefully ease any fears or doubts." He sat down on a small stool next to the bed and turned to face the crew. "So, basically what we want to do is give chaos a large dose of what he was taking previously for this condition. The difference will be that it will be one large dose at once which will then be on a time release schedule in his body. The nanomachines, I'm sure you've figured, are pre-programmed to manage the release of the medication. I've decided to try this approach because from what I've seen in his records, the previous way he was medicated caused him to sleep a lot. My approach will keep that from happening. The side effects will be worst at the beginning and then taper off quickly. He'll be back to normal in no time and still have the benefits the medication has to offer him. This should help keep his body functioning normally for at least 3 months at a time. During those 3 months there will be no need for more injections or any kind of treatment."

He nodded towards the Captain. "Are there any questions?" Jr. immediately put a hand behind his head and asked, "so… when you say side effects, do you mean the same as last time or is it different? How bad will it be?" "Well," the doctor turned to chaos and then back to Jr. "We'll have to keep him here for at least the next 96 hours. We're expecting the side effects to put him into sort of a 'mini coma' for at least the first 72 hours. We're not expecting any complications as a result. It's just a 'quick blow' to the system, if you will, and once he's had a day to recuperate from that, it should be smooth sailing." "And that's safe," Captain Matthews asked, a bit skeptic as well now. "Yes. For precautionary measures, we'll have a team standing by for the first 5 hours. Those are the most crucial." "But…" Jr. looked worried. "Once the medication has been injected you can't really take it back, can you?" "Well…no. However, we can administer other medications to counteract the effects. What do you think chaos?" He turned to the delicate figure under the covers. "I'm fine with it. I know I'll be okay," he gently smiled at Tony and Hammer, knowing they'd need the most reassurance. "The only thing I'm worried about is holding the crew back from important missions. I don't want to be a burden," his eyes dropped and he wrapped himself in his arms, almost shamefully.

Jr. and Captain Matthews reassured chaos that they would do anything to help him out and that he wasn't a burden. The doctor was given the clearance necessary to begin treatment. "Very well then," he smiled at chaos. "I am glad we'll be able to help you through this." chaos looked into his eyes with his own heavenly gaze and smiled back as sincerely as possible. He knew that with this, he was able to reassure the doctor (who inwardly wasn't completely confident, since the procedure had never been done before) that he would be just fine. The doctor turned to Jr., "I'll give you all a few minutes with him while I go and start the preparations for the procedure. We'll have a team in here shortly to prepare chaos." He nodded to everyone as he headed for the door and then excused himself from the room.

chaos closed his eyes and breathed a soft, jittery sigh. He was still exhausted from the last dose of medicine. Jr. approached the bed and gently laid a hand on chaos' shoulder. chaos reacted by gingerly placing a hand over Junior's. He looked up at him and used his perkiest voice possible. "I'll be okay, Jr." He gently patted his hand. It had been a while since he'd seen such a worried expression on Junior's face. He knew it took a lot to upset Jr. "I hope so. If you don't mind, I'd like to give the others a call so maybe they can come by and see you before the procedure." "That would be nice," chaos smiled.

Jr. walked out of the room. The Elsa crew stuck around for a few minutes, providing comfort but mostly receiving it from chaos. They were then interrupted by a team of four nurses. "Hello." The head nurse greeted the room. "If you all don't mind, we'll be preparing chaos now. We'd appreciate it if he could be given a little bit of privacy for a couple of minutes." Captain Matthews turned to chaos. "Hey, buddy. I guess that's it for now. We'll be back tomorrow to see how you're doing okay?" "Thank you," chaos simply responded. On the way out the door Tony began to flirt with one of the nurses. The Captain quickly swatted him across the head with his cap. "Ya moron! Save it for later. You'll have plenty of time off the rest of the week. This ain't the place to look for a date!" chaos laughed to himself as he heard the arguing fade into the distance.

"Hello there," the head nurse smiled at chaos. "How are you feeling?" "I'm just tired…and hungry," he looked sheepish. "Oh darling, you'll be getting plenty of rest for the next few days. As far as food, I'm very sorry and I wish I could feed you…you look like you could use some extra weight. All we can offer you right now is an IV since you'll be knocked out here shortly." Well that was a nice way to put it. "I'm really sorry." She looked at him sympathetically. "We'll be taking your vitals and administering some important IV's. We'll also be placing some monitors on you and a catheter." chaos blushed at the last thing mentioned. "We'll have you looking like a pretty little puppet full of strings in no time," she was waaaay too cheery.

He closed his eyes and just relaxed as much as possible throughout most of the preparations. He was able to completely tune out and the various pokes and pricks from the needles. He was starting to regain a little bit of energy now that the IV with nutrients was starting to take effect. The flesh on his fingers almost immediately began to plump back up from the re-hydration. He could now hear the steady beeps of the heart monitor. Suddenly, chaos felt a cold breeze at his feet and it crept up towards his hips. He opened his eyes and looked down. He jumped at the site of the other two nurses exposing his lower half. He instinctively began to yank down on his gown and the sheets. "Oh sweetheart, we can't have you doing that. We've got to get the catheter into you," the nurse to his right, the cute one Tony had been flirting with, playfully slapped his hand out of the way. The nurse to the left was the only other male in the room. "Oh gosh," chaos told himself as he turned his head in embarrassment. The male nurse, one of the newer realians aboard the medical floor of the Durandal, hadn't been completely trained yet and looked just as flustered as chaos.

"Now," the cute nurse said matter-of-factly, "we're going to need you to spread 'em slightly to make this go more smoothly." She had no problem exposing all his glory. She simply and shamelessly grabbed his appendage with one hand and prepared the catheter with the other. "So," poke she'd just pushed the tip of the catheter in. chaos let out a yelp and slammed his legs shut. "What did I tell you," she scolded. The nurse pushed his legs back down and away from each other. "As I was about to say," she happily continued. "That friend of yours," she grinned. "Do you two hang around a lot," she merrily continued to thread the catheter through. chaos nodded with a wince. He was still obviously embarrassed as well. "Oh hun, don't worry. The pain will be gone soon." She studied his pink cheeks, "I've done this a million times and there's nothing I haven't seen before…" she paused. "Although, I have to admit you're quite gifted," she stared at his penis. This made chaos blush a deep red, and suddenly the pain wasn't so bad. "Well, anyway," she finished pondering. "You let that boy know I'm off by 2pm on most days," she patted his knee and covered him back up. "I'll do that," chaos' voice cracked.

Moments later, and what felt like an eternity to chaos, the team of nurses left. He sighed and closed his eyes.

_This is what you need. _He recognized her gentle voice. He opened his eyes to find Nephilim standing by his side. She gazed at him with eyes even sadder than his, if that were possible. _It is your turn to know the weight of your decisions. You must not be afraid, for this is crucial to your future happiness. All of it._

She reached a tiny hand out to his. "I see," he knowingly replied. He reached out to meet her hand and as soon as they touched, she was gone.

He sat there in his silence for a moment. He contemplated what this could mean. She hadn't come to him before when he'd had these episodes. She always knew when he needed her most. Her appearance this time worried him. This was a first for him. He decided to snuggle his head back against his pillow and just close his eyes and enjoy the peace and quiet. He knew now that it would soon get busy.

Soon enough, Jr. walked back in with extra company. chaos opened his eyes and smiled at the site of MOMO and Ziggy. "chaos!" MOMO scurried to his side and lay a gentle kiss upon his forehead. "I hope the procedure goes well. I thought I'd be here for you since you were there for me," he could see that she was genuinely grateful to him. He was glad that she appreciated his presence during her analogy. Ziggy simply looked at him with a confidence in his stature and quietly said, "I know you'll do well. Good luck." "Thank you," chaos was glad they were here for him.

Medical personnel began to slowly file in. Some wheeled in equipment. One of the nurses, to Jr. and MOMO's horror, was carrying in various devices for resuscitation. "Oh these are only for extra precaution," the nurse had noticed the worry in MOMO's eyes. "We almost never need them. Don't worry."

"Okay," the doctor finally entered. "Are you ready chaos?" He looked at him, awaiting his response. "Yes." For some reason, chaos almost regretted those words. "Then let's get started, shall we?" The doctor motioned for a couple of nurses to come to his side. They would be assisting him with the procedure. "One more thing…do you mind if they stay?" He glanced over at Jr. and MOMO and Ziggy. "That's fine," chaos needed them by his side more than ever now. "Very well. Now…I'm going to need you to lay on your left side. I know you have various things poking out every which way, and the nurses will assist you." Two nurses helped him sit up slowly and then had him scoot over onto his left side. He could feel the bed being lowered to a flat position.

Another nurse lifted his head from the pillow and placed some padding underneath his head to absorb any medication or blood. He then swept chaos' feathery, silver locks up into what could have been a low pony tail. chaos took a glance over at the doctor and was relieved to see a very small needle. He wasn't relieved, however when he saw the amount of medication. It was an entire two pints worth of thick liquid. Usually the painful amount he was given right after a seizure was no more than a couple of teaspoons.

"Don't worry chaos. This won't be as bad as it looks. The injection will be complete in a matter of two minutes. Then you'll be able to sleep." The doctor came up behind him and stood by the nurse that was disinfecting the injection site. He quickly gave him some numbing medication that took effect almost immediately. "Can you feel that?" He'd already inserted the needle and chaos hadn't even noticed. "Don't nod, just a simple yes or no will suffice," he instructed him. "No," chaos was relieved. "The medication itself may be a bit uncomfortable but try and be as still as possible. We'll get this done as quickly as possible for you."

The first twenty seconds or so went quite smoothly, but pretty soon things began to get serious. The seraphim's face twisted into a slight grimace and he began to slowly curl up into himself. Tears began to well up in his eyes as he began to shiver. His breath was quickly becoming ragged. The steady beeping of the machines was quickening. chaos took a sharp gasp as he began to feel the worst pain humanly possible. He felt his back begin to arch uncontrollably. The group of nurses that were calmly standing by his bed took hold of his arms and legs and were now using their weight to hold him still. The tears were now streaming down his face as his body began to convulse slightly. Junior's jaw dropped and MOMO hid her face in Ziggy's side. They had never seen chaos have to go through any kind of pain and this was a bit of an unexpected shock to them. Ziggy tried his best to remain calm. He looked down at chaos with the melancholy expression of a Greek statue. He felt so useless to him. Ziggy felt he should do something other than stand there, but he could do nothing. A guttural scream was ripped from chaos' throat. Junior rushed to his side.

"chaos," his eyes welled up. "I'm sorry man. I wish we could help you. Please forgive us for letting this happen." He couldn't respond. He only kept screaming uncontrollably. "Damn it!" Jr. was angry with himself. He knew it had to be done, but he hated not being able to comfort his friend. chaos always knew how to make everything instantly better for everyone else and Jr. felt worthless for not being able to return the comfort.

The last of the medication had finally made it into his body. The doctor immediately pulled the syringe out and covered the site with gauze and a bandage. He clearly felt bad for what he had to do. "There chaos…it's okay," he whispered to him as he gently massaged the injection site. "I know it hurts. I know. You'll be able to rest soon." A small amount of bloody fluid spurt forth from chaos' nose and mouth. His pupils were beginning to dilate. This wasn't supposed to happen this way. The violent shaking had finally stopped, but so had his breath.

All chaos could sense was a lonely darkness. He couldn't even see himself, wherever he was. He felt as if he were falling backwards into an endless abyss. After what seemed like an eternity the sensation was gone. He felt an immense and un-describable fear begin to take hold of him. It was suddenly very cold and he could sense some sort of evil coming up behind him rather quickly and with a deep and deadly hiss.

On his bed, his body lay lifeless as the medical team began CPR. He had flat-lined. The stress had been too much for his body. Ziggy had taken MOMO out of the room. They would only be in the way and Ziggy wanted the doctors and nurses to work as quickly as possible. Somehow, Ziggy felt a peace in his heart and knew that chaos would be okay despite what was happening. It was an un-describable feeling, something he's was almost certain he'd never felt before. MOMO was still crying into his side, hugging him tightly.

The angel felt helpless. He'd never felt so helpless and confused before. He'd never felt so frightened and alone. Somewhere in the unknown distance he could hear wailing and moaning. He felt as if he were chained down.

Meanwhile…the medical team was still working on bringing him back. It had only been two minutes, but those two minutes seemed to go on forever.

In a flash chaos felt him self in a warm and safe place and as if he were being cradled like a baby. He felt tremendous relief and then a familiar happiness filled his soul. He found himself standing firmly on his own two feet and slowly stood completely straight and as tall as he possibly could. Six exceedingly white wings stretched out to their fullest length behind him. It felt so good. The endless loneliness that had dwelt in him for so long was now gone. He felt he was fit to burst with the joy that began to fill him. He could see others in the distance, only they all had one set of wings each. He seemed to be the only one in site with the wings of a Seraph.

_Yeshua. _The voices called out to him tenderly. It was the voice of a strong and mighty man mixed with the tender and maternal voice of a woman that spoke in unison. The masculine voice was strong, and the feminine voice was also strong, but barely above a whisper. He could hear both clear as a bell.

_Yeshua. _The voices called out again to him. _Father? Mother? _He called out. They did not respond.

_Do not lose faith. You are the strong one. You are the perfect example. You are the guiding light and the hope for others. Do not fail us. We are ready to receive you when the time is right. The time is not now._

These words did not sadden him, however. Something within him understood.

_They shall one day be as gods. You, my son, already are. _The voices spoke in a comforting unison. _You will know what is needed of you very soon. Now go…_

Not a second later, "we have a pulse!" The medical team was still hard at work. Now their goal was to get him stabilized. Junior sighed with relief and sat by his side. In all the commotion, no one noticed the downy feathers that had materialized on the bed. They blended well with the white linen only they seemed to have a faint glow. Jr. tried to brush some off the bed but with each touch of his hand they would simply disappear. He smiled, knowing his friend would be okay.

Author's note: Whew! I hope this chapter ends up looking as long as it felt to write it! I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it. My reason for titling it "Uninvited" was mostly for the evil that chaos felt. Later in the story I'll explain why he even headed in that direction in the first place. He didn't want to be there but something was pulling him in even though he wasn't quite welcome there. He also wasn't quite welcome back "home" just yet. The "uninvited" theme could also be used to describe the nurses that were preparing him ;0) They can seem a bit cruel and heartless sometimes.

I hope my wonderful readers and any new readers have enjoyed the story so far. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are very much welcome! I hope this chapter wasn't too long that it got boring.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N's- Okay, first off, I want to say I AM SOOOO SORRY to the wonderful readers whom I have let down and SORRY about not having updated for SO LONG. I truly am ashamed of myself  Also, I would like to thank Tylida for giving me that extra little kick that I've been needing for so long to get me motivated. If there is anyone who hasn't read Broken Saint, I advise that you do so. It is an awesome story!

Okay, so I hope this new chapter doesn't disappoint. It has been a while and this thing had quite a bit of dust accumulated ….

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Xenosaga, and I do not own any of its lovely characters….wish I did though, I mean, WHO DOESN'T!?

**Chapter 5: Doing Better **

Every once in a while, his eyes would gently flutter open, revealing the bright turquoise they possessed. His breaths were still slightly shallow, but they were becoming more even, more controlled. He was starting to feel the life that moved about him. He could sense the nurses coming in and out to check on him. Soon enough, he was able to keep his eyes open, although half-lidded. chaos could feel the oxygen mask still on his face.

When he tried to sit up, he found himself tucked tightly under the sheets and a thick blanket. They were pulled so tight that he couldn't even move his legs. He tried to wiggle his arms lose, but to no avail. A nurse walked in and found chaos looking a bit distressed and ran to his side to help him. "Hey there, you okay? How ya feelin'? I'm here to give you some more pain meds, I hope I'm not too late." She firmly placed a hand on his chest to keep him down. "Please don't try and come out of your….well, your swaddling," she couldn't think of any other way to describe it. "When we first got you stabilized, someone was hurt by touching you, and your gown alone wasn't enough barrier. We're thinking it might be related to us shocking you back to life. Don't quote me on that, I'm not too sure." She hesitated for a moment and then placed some supplies onto the table by the bed. "Hm…you seem okay right now, so I'm only going to put the regular gloves on to change out your IV. I'll be sure to give you something good to help numb any pain. How are you feeling?" chaos tried to speak but only a crackled grunt escaped his lips. "Oh dear, we'll have to give you a little bit of water on those lips of yours. I know the mask can dry you up." She poured a small amount of water into a small metal cup and set it aside so that she could help chaos sit up in his bed.

After adjusting the bed to sit up in a reclined position, she asked if he was ready for her to help pull him up. He slowly nodded with his eyes closed. "Here, I'll loosen up the bedding a bit so that you can move around some." She cautiously tugged on the sheets and put an extra pillow behind him. He shivered a bit, but tried to hide it when she gave him a concerned glance. "I'm guessing you're not used to feeling so much open air against your skin….we saw all the clothing you had on when you were brought in." He looked over to her and gently smiled at her. She could tell even though his mouth was still covered by the oxygen mask. He glanced up into her eyes and saw that it seemed to startle her. She let out a small gasp at the sight of his heavenly eyes. He could sense her confusion and immediately looked down, as if ashamed. The nurse cleared her throat and smoothed the tunic of her scrubs and continued with what she needed to do.

"Here," she reached over and gently pulled the mask off of his face and over his head. "It doesn't look like you need this right now, besides it'll get in the way of you trying to drink and eat." She lifted the cup to him and allowed him to lift a hand to help her guide the cup to his lips. She could feel that his hands were a bit shaky. After allowing him a couple of small sips of water, she told him to stay still. She would take up much of his time while she replaced his medications that had run out from the IV's.

"So how do you feel now? Is your throat feeling better, hon?" chaos nodded a yes, and gave her a soft, but audible "thank you." The nurse smiled at this. "Look, I'm going to go and get you something to eat. I know they did supply you with nourishment in your IV, but lets face it, you need some serious calories on you." chaos let out a sheepish laugh at this. "That's fine. Before you go…do you think someone could get a hold of a friend for me?" His voice seemed an octave lower than usual. Perhaps from lack of use? This too made the nurse a bit hot, but she was able to hide it this time. "Sure, hon. You know what, I'm going to let your doctor know that you're awake. He wanted to know right away, and I'm sure he'll be notifying those who accompanied you to the hospital. You just sit tight, and someone will be back with you soon, okay?" He nodded and gave her a soft smile.

As soon as she was gone, he let out a sigh. He could feel how weak his body had become. How long had he been out? He looked over to his right and noticed his clothing folded up on a chair and his boots on the floor beside it. He smiled, knowing that Tony and Hammer must have stopped by with his things freshly cleaned for him. He stretched his arms up over his head, careful not to pull too much on all the lines that were attached to him. Now that the nurse was gone, he was going to free his legs a bit from the tight confines of the bedding. He liked the warmth it provided, but he wasn't comfortable with his movements being so restricted. He wondered about the remark the nurse had made in regards to him hurting someone. Had his energy gone out of control again?

It seemed to calm down quite a bit since KOSMOS' arrival on the ship. It was even more manageable once he'd regained a set of his wings. It had been so long since he'd felt anything there. It was almost liberating to him when he'd reveal them during fights. He felt so free, and a little more like himself when he could feel them spreading from his back. How shocking it was to him when they first reappeared. It was the last thing he'd expected. In all the recurrences he'd been through now…this had never happened before. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to suffer being only a spectator this time. Maybe he would finally have a part to play.

Still….he'd lost a lot of control once again, after he'd lent his energy to KOSMOS. He shivered as he remembered the euphoric rush he felt at that moment. Even though the Seraphim wings were nothing more than the energy that both he and KOSMOS emitted, for once…for once in such a long time, he felt whole again. Even if it was but for a short time.

He hadn't been given much time to recoup after that incident. Although it was the best feeling he'd had in a long time, it did hurt him both emotionally and physically. He knew almost instantly that it was going to affect him in a big way.

So this was it, then? Using so much of his power at once, after having let it lay dormant for so long, had some strange consequences. This sort of thing had happened before, though not quite as drastic, and he certainly had never before regained control of his wings. Why did it happen this time? He hoped the seizures really would come to an end soon. He knew now that his body was having a hard time recognizing all that was happening, and was becoming exhausted. It seemed that the more control he had over his power, the less control he'd have over how it affected his body.

He snapped out of his thoughts when the door to his room was opened. The same nurse, that had been there when he awoke earlier, had returned as promised. She entered with a small tray of food and what looked like bandages and gauze. He hoped this meant she was going to disconnect him from at least some of the lines that had him looking like a marionette.

She had brought him in a small bowl of Miso soup, some rice crackers, and some green tea. "Here you go," she brightly presented the food to him on his bedside tray. "I thought this would help warm you up without stuffing you terribly.

He slowly sipped on his soup on the occasion that he had a free hand. Soon enough he'd be able to move more freely and he'd be able to put on his body suite under his gown. He could feel his energy slowly starting to return. As the nurse continued to remove his IV's and bandage his arms, she could feel a soft, electric energy zip past her finger tips. At first it startled her, but she soon found herself enjoying it each time it happened. This caused her to do things more slowly. She didn't want it to have to be over too soon.

"Okay," she paused for a bit, her cheeks turning a rosy hue. "There is one final line I have to remove. I hope you don't mind," she turned her face down and to the side. "I-I…I can get a male nurse to come in while it is done. It'll be a while though…s-so..I hope you don't mind waiting if you want to request a male stand-in. Either way, we'll be sure to lock the doors so that no one enters while y-your, uh….exposed." Her face was now a bright shade of red. She seemed to have a hard time regulating her breath.

For a moment, chaos was confused. He placed his empty cup back onto the tray. Why was she so red now? And then it hit him. He had remembered the catheter that was placed in him. "Oh!" He finally replied. "I, uh…you know, it really doesn't matter to me. Heh, I'm sure it'll be fine if you just do it quickly. Uh, I mean, it's up to you. I don't mind either way." He as a bit embarrassed, but not nearly as much as her. "Well," she seemed to finally regain a bit of her professional composure…"um, I'll go ahead and lock the door then. This should only take a second." She smoothed her blouse, just as she had earlier when she was flustered, and went to lock the door.

"Alright then…I'm going to lower your bed slightly to make this easier. I have to warn you that you may bleed a little upon removal because the tip does become a little dry." Now chaos blushed slightly. "You ready?" He nodded yes to her, and she pulled the sheets down, and then she hesitantly pulled up on his gown. He knew she was uncomfortable with him watching, so he suggested "I'm just going to close my eyes for now. I'm not feeling so well." "Oh, okay," she seemed a bit relieved.

A few seconds went by and chaos could feel a draft. He hadn't sensed any movement from her yet, and when he opened his eyes, he noticed her staring with her mouth slightly opened. He looked down, a bit panicked, wondering what could be wrong. Nothing was wrong. "You know, I can wait. It's fine really. I mean, I would do it myself if I could, but I don't know how." "Oh," she jumped, "I'm so sorry. It's not like I haven't done this before. It's just, well…I usually work on older people, or usually females, I mean," she began to stumble over her own words, "I've just never seen one like.." she looked a bit amazed. Now chaos was really pink. "I'm sorry," he said sheepishly. "Oh, no! Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong, I just need to stop it. Please don't tell anyone, I don't mean to be so unprofessional."

She finally took a deep breath and grasped him in one hand and began to pull the line with the other. He twitched at this, and right away she knew that it was hurting him. "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do except get it done as quickly as possible." He squirmed slightly on the bed and soon enough it was over. "There you go. See, not too much blood." He could see that she felt bad for putting him through that. "It might sting a little the first time you go, but otherwise everything is fine." She began to gently clean him. It must have been the direction she was stroking to clean, who knows really, but within a few seconds she felt a warm, soft hand quickly and firmly wrap around her wrist to stop her. She looked up to find chaos looking down and away. "Um..I got it from here," his breath quivered slightly. _What in the world is wrong with me!?_ He thought to himself in much confusion. He immediately pulled his gown down to cover himself and curled his legs up slightly.

She seemed relieved and disappointed at the same time. "Okay, well. That's it then. I'll go and make sure that the doctor has notified your friends and I'll be back later to take out any empty trays or dishes. Just give us a ring If you need any assistance," her voice rose an octave and she gave him a big, cheeky grin. She immediately gathered everything that was ready to go, placed it on her cart, and then left.

If he was being honest with himself, he was actually just as hot and bothered by the situation as she was. These kinds of things never crossed his mind. Why did he suddenly react like this? Either way, he was relieved that it was over with. He stood up and pulled on his body suit and some socks, replaced the gown, and sat back in his bed. He was starting to feel much better, and was glad he could feel a little bit of normality again.

For now, he would sit and rest, and wait for the crew to arrive. He wondered what they had been up to since his hospitalization. He hoped that everything on the Elsa was going smoothly and that he wasn't needed at the moment. He couldn't wait to leave the hospital and see everyone again. All of a sudden, it felt as if it had been ages to him. He knew he'd be back on his feet soon, and hopefully he'd find out what was going on with him. This meant that he was going to have to sneak some time to himself here and there. He was almost always keeping someone else company, so it might not be easy for him to go off on his own for too long, but he knew there was much he had to figure out. Hopefully Nephilim would help him sort things out.

End chapter.

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Okay, WHEW! Sorry that was such a long, and boring chapter. Wow, a chapter full of nothing. But, I had to wake him up and get him ready to leave the hospital so that we can start on a decent adventure for him in the next few chapters. Hope I didn't lose anyone, and hopefully this will be the only wacked out chapter. I'm tellin' ya, it's been a while, and my fingers were creaking. Oh, and I'd appreciate positive and/or constructive feedback. Ideas are very welcome as well 


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything whatsoever in regards to Xenosaga…except for this little story of mine, conjured up in a dusty old corner of my mind But even then, the characters are not mine, and they belong to the creators of Xenosaga…..boohoo.

A/N- Thanks to my readers! I hope I haven't taken too long in updating, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter, which will FINALLY get chaos out of the hospital. Halleluja! Did I spell that right Oo?

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**Ch.6: Breathe**

Just as chaos was beginning to doze off, the door opened. He was relieved when he looked up to see the Elsa crew, along with Jr., there to take him home to the Elsa.

"Hey there, you're looking better," Jr. said happily. "You ready to go home?" chaos looked up and smiled at Jr. "I certainly am," he replied in his typical, low tone.

Tony and Hammer both approached chaos and each patted him on the back. "Hey chaos, we missed ya," Hammer said with a grin. "Yeah, let's get you outta here," Tony added. "How ya doin' there, buddy?" Captain Matthews was definitely capable of showing concern, and it was obvious he wanted to make sure chaos felt fine before moving. "I'm doing much better, Captain. Thank you. How are the ship repairs coming along?" "Oh, don't worry about that, chaos. Everything is being taken care of…." Captain Matthews looked down with a mix of shame and disgust, "thanks to Little Master here," he motioned towards Jr. "We really got our work cut out for us for a while."

"Thank you, Jr. We really appreciate it," chaos looked at Jr. "Not a problem, man. We'll be needing you guys for some missions here soon, anyway." He knew it wasn't in the Captain to thank people. All he ever thought of was how much something was going to cost him, and how much work he'd have to do to pay it off. So chaos did what Captain Matthews just wouldn't. Captain Matthews was grateful for that…even though he never said so. chaos looked over at the Captain and smirked when he noticed he was avoiding eye contact with everyone.

"I'll tell you about the missions later," Jr. waved off the subject. "Let's just work on gettin' ya outta here, for now." He walked over to the window and sat in the chair beside it.

"So," Tony perked up, " did you get to talk to that cute nurse again? I wanted to take her out the other night, but got stuck helping with the repairs," he gave the Captain a nasty, sideways glance. "Look, you big baby," Captain Matthews whacked him with his hat, "what kind of woman wants a lazy man, anyway!? Stop your whining." "It never ends," Hammer threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "There really hasn't been a moment of peace since you've been away," he looked at chaos desperately. "I can't wait to have you back," he in a very sincere, hopeful tone. "Anyway, hey Tony, let's go get something to eat. I'm sure chaos is hungry, too." He pulled Tony to the door and they waved as they walked out. "We'll be right back," Tony grumbled.

"Do I get to leave, today?" chaos asked the Captain. "Yeah, that's what it sounds like to us," he looked over towards Jr. who was staring out the window. "Little Master?" "Oh," Jr. snapped out of it, "yeah, uh…we just need to sign him out and the doc needs to talk with us for a moment. You can finish getting dressed if you want," he looked over at chaos' clothing. I'm sure they won't need anything else from you right now."

chaos stood up from his reclined position and walked over towards his clothing. He sat in the chair beside the bed and began pulling his leather pants on over his body suit. Captain Matthews took a seat on the bed and decided to fumble through the few channels that were offered in the rooms. "You know, chaos," Jr. began, "we would have kept you on the hospital wing on the Durandal, but we thought this would better suit your needs. I hope you don't mind the walk back to the boarding platform. It's not too far." "It's not a problem," he nodded to Jr. "Thank you so much, for everything," he looked directly into Jr.'s eyes. Jr. smiled, and accepted the sincere gratitude from chaos.

"How's the medication helping you?" Jr. asked. "It's working so far," chaos smiled. I still feel a bit…run over," they both laughed. "But I think I'm going to be okay. I'm really interested in hearing about the upcoming missions," he changed the subject….as always. "We'll get to that, we'll get to that," Jr. reassured him. Just as he was about to begin explaining some of the details, the doctor walked in.

"Hey chaos!" He walked in with a grin. "So ready to leave us?" he asked with a mock sad expression. "Er, well," chaos muttered as he stopped fastening his boots and scratched the back of his head. "Don't worry," the doctor looked over his glasses towards the angel. "I'd be outta here fast, too!" He laughed.

"I promise this will be quick," he looked around the room at Captain Matthews and Jr. "I have the discharge paperwork for the chaos to sign," he plopped it onto the bed. "It looks like you've handled everything very well," he beamed like a proud parent. "I do have to apologize for the bumpy road we put you on at first. I have to be honest and say we didn't expect that, but my wonderful team was on the ball and we weren't worried for a second that you wouldn't pull through." chaos remained quiet and attentive. "So, anyway," the doctor continued, "we feel you are ready for release. Even though you were in a coma-like state for just under 48 hours, your vital signs, as recorded over the past 20 hours, have improved greatly and we don't foresee any complications. Now," he paused for a breath, "there are a few side effects from the medication, but nothing that should affect your work. You will experience extra fatigue here and there, and the medication can cause stomach upset. Rest as much as you can. Otherwise, the medication shouldn't slow you down-" "GOOD!" Jr. interjected. "you're already as slow as some of the old grandpas I see out there," he laughed, "we don't need you any slower!" chaos' eyes slightly widened and his jaw dropped, but it wasn't the first time he'd heard someone complain. "I'm sorry," he bowed his head and apologized to no one in particular. Jr. kept giggling frantically in his corner.

"So…that's it. Nothing much in the way of details, and not too much maintenance. I think you're going to like this medication much more than the last time. I hope you can enjoy the degree of normality this brings back to you," he patted chaos on the shoulder. "If you need any pain medications, please don't hesitate to let us know, and if you need anything else, you know where we are. As far as follow-ups go, I don't see any reason why they can't be done aboard the Durandal," he winked. He handed chaos a pen, used for electronic notepads, to sign his release forms. chaos quickly and happily signed everything.

Everyone stood up and the doctor shook everyone's hands. Jr. handed chaos his jacket, which he quickly donned and fastened. The doctor walked out and Jr. and Captain Matthews followed behind him. Jr. looked back to see chaos trying to make the bed. "Oh, chaos!" he whined. "Let's go man! I know you gotta be hungry! Besides," he looked over at the bed, "there are nurses assigned to fix this stuff, you don't really think they'll use the same sheets again, do you?" The angel had no choice but to laugh bashfully at Jr.'s words. "You're right. Let's go get you some food, Jr." He walked past Jr., out the door as Jr. scratched his head. "Huh? Hey! I'm not THAT selfish, am I?" Jr. followed chaos.

Everyone met up in the hospital's restaurant. As everyone ate ravenously, chaos decided to step out onto the patio to enjoy some fresh air. His stomach wasn't feeling too well, so he thought the sunlight and crisp breeze would help to wake him up. For a moment, he was able to let go of everything that weighed on his mind. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. He smiled as the light breeze blew through his silky, silver locks, briefly exposing his entire face. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it. He opened his eyes and noticed a tiny silhouette on the roof of a distant building. Right away, he knew it was Nephilim. He was glad to know he wasn't completely alone…but a bit worried as to what news she may have for him.

As soon as everyone was finished with their meals, they headed out to join chaos. All of them, except for Jr. and chaos, lit up a cigarette.

The walk back was uneventful, and the crew knew that they needed to get chaos back quickly so that he could rest before their departure. He could feel himself becoming tired already, so he made no protest. He knew they'd be able to continue with their day as soon as they got him back aboard the ship.

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A/N: Alrighty! We finally saw him outta that crazy hospital! Woohoo! The next few chapters will take a while to get up. I need to make sure I have the time lines correct and that nothing seems too out of place. So far, we've already cut into the games events by almost a week OO! BTW, this particular event (starting from chapter 1) takes place just after MOMO's analysis. The next chapters will hopefully give some insight as to when these issues began for chaos, and what they mean. Hopefully that'll clear some stuff up. Also, keep an eye out for a potential ahem love interest for our Seraphim in the next few chapters. Heee heee he he heee heeeee!!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hello, my lovely readers! Sorry it has taken me so long to update. It's been a crazy week, and it concluded w/my 6yr old trying to set our house on fire (by accident of course) and my hubby and I watching him clean it up the past couple of days. I hope this next chapter doesn't disappoint, and don't forget to leave reviews XD

Disclaimer- I do not own Xenosaga or any of the characters. This sad little story is all I can claim as my own :(

**Ch**. **7 Stranger**

chaos seemed to slow a bit more the closer they got to the Elsa. His exhaustion was beginning to get the better of him. Just a few more steps and he would be resting peacefully in his bed again.

"Hey, chaos," Jr. slowed down to walk by his side, "listen, man….I know you are way tired. I'm gonna hold off until you've gotten lots of rest before I let you in on any details about the mission, okay?" Jr. somehow knew when it was okay to take an authoritative tone with chaos. "That's fine, Jr. Thanks," he stopped and gently took hold of Jr.'s elbow. "Thanks for being there for me," he smiled and looked into his eyes. "Yeah, man," Jr. replied sheepishly. "No problem. I hope you know that we are always going to be there for you just like you're always there for us." "Hey, look," chaos perked up, "the line to the transport shuttles isn't too long, and we'll get to sit for a bit."

They all took a seat in the transport shuttle and waited patiently as it carried them back to the Durandal. chaos slowly stood as the shuttle lurched to a stop. It was obvious he was still a bit achy. "Hey, you need hand there, chaos?" Tony asked a bit worried. "I'm fine, but thanks anyway Tony," chaos said in an unusually perky tone. "You guys go on ahead and take care of what you need to. I'm just going to head back to the Elsa for a nap, and probably a shower. Don't wait up for me, I doubt I'll be out again any time soon." He said this, knowing that Tony and Hammer usually tried to get him to go out drinking with them and hook him up with girls in their spare time.

"Alright, well," Captain Matthews adjusted the brim of his cap. "Little Master, let me know as soon as you need me. I'll be out in the shopping district, looking for some Seraphim Sisters memorabilia," he said with a shameful shake of his head, knowing he wouldn't be making it to any live concerts any time soon. "Very well then," Jr. acknowledged. "I don't plan on leaving port for at least another two days, anyway. So you guys go ahead and enjoy the liberty and I'll give you a buzz when it's time to roll."

With that, the Captain dismissed himself from the group that stood just outside the entrance of the Elsa. "Hey, chaos," Tony looked over to the angel, "give us a call if you need us, okay?" "Yeah," Hammer interjected w/a bit of a snort. "It's not like Tony can find the same gal he's been after the past couple of days, so he's been a bit bored." He continued to giggle as Tony whacked him on the shoulder. "No, man, I mean it," he gave chaos a sincere look. "Yeah, seriously chaos," Hammer pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Alright," chaos nodded with a small smile. "Don't worry."

The group dispersed and chaos headed into the Elsa and towards the crew's berthing. He sighed in relief and rather than just make himself walk right through the walls or doors, he actually waited until the doors opened up to allow him in.

He looked around at the nice repairs and upgrades the ship had received during his stay at the hospital. He smiled when he saw his bed with everything put away nicely for him. He always appreciated the things the crew did for eachother. He remembered how different things were when he first arrived aboard the Elsa. Everything was always so disorganized and there was always so much arguing. Sometimes fights got pretty heated. He always ended up going to calm Tony down or reassure Hammer that he was doing fine. chaos smiled to himself as he thought of the memories and how things have improved so much in such a short time.

The angel decided he had enough energy left to shower and began to remove his clothing and gathered his showering kit. Even though he was the only crew member aboard the ship, he covered himself at the waist with a large towel.

He padded his way into the shower stall when he noticed a sweet scent. For a split second, he thought he smelled berries. He hadn't yet taken off his towel, and thinking fast, he decided to allow the bathroom door to shut. He almost always showered with the door open since the shower stall had fogged glass anyway, but this time he didn't want any intruder to know that he'd felt their presence.

He turned the water on and stood just outside the stall. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he began to concentrate.

He could make out lavender hair….and skin. Lots of skin…barely covered by clothing. He could tell there were various tattoos on the small, feminine frame. Then, he could make out the smell of berries, once again. The scent made him smile. It reminded him of her….his Maria. The intruder smelled of her favourite berries, the ones she always insisted on having in her filled pastries…and the ones her favourite wine was made of.

Soon enough, he was able to see and sense everything without having to concentrate and keep his eyes closed. He stared at nothing in particular as he continued to spy on the intruder. Her scent alone kept him from making any rash decisions to startle her. Instead, he decided to watch her every move, and maybe tomorrow he'd look for her

He wondered for a moment if she was lost, or just curious. A slight scowl came upon his face as he noticed she was looking through the crew's belongings. It seemed as if maybe she were looking for valuables or money. She certainly wouldn't find any of that in his bunk. All he owned was books and the thick clothing he always wore.

He held his breath as he watched her approach his bin of dirty laundry. She gingerly opened it up and began to search through the clothing. "Hm," she sounded amused. "Looks like this kid doesn't believe in undies,"she giggled to herself. He blushed.

"Ooh," she paused as she looked at a yellow and blue jacket that had what seemed like a high collar. "These are some nice buttons," she admired the big, brass buttons and buckles. She brought the jacket up to her face as she inhaled the scent from them. chaos was a bit embarrassed by this, as he knew it was one of the items of clothing that hadn't yet been washed. It was the jacket he'd worn up until the battle against the ES's on the rooftop on 2nd Miltia.

She seemed to have been put into a momentary daze. "That's beautiful," she whispered almost inaudibly. She looked around, almost desperately as she thought she might have heard a door open. "Crap!" She looked down at the jacket in her arms. She decided that although she'd never wear such a thing in public, she couldn't bare to part with it. Something about it had her mesmerized. It felt almost static and smelled heavenly. She couldn't decide if it smelled more of man or baby. The man smell wasn't repulsive in the least, even though she could make out that it was a result of sweat. The baby smell, was odd….but comforting. The only thing she could think to describe the scent was, "an angel?" It made absolutely no sense, but at the same time it did.

She could hear a conversation, as could chaos. He knew it was Tony. It seemed he'd forgotten something and was on his phone with someone. The girl frantically searched for an exit. Something told her to look up, and sure enough, there was a panel missing from the ceiling. She made her way up by pushing against various parts of the walls that separated the small compartments and leapt up into the small hole, not forgetting the jacket.

Tony made it into the berthing area without ever having noticed anything out of place. As soon as chaos knew the girl was no longer in the Elsa, he stopped focusing on her and let himself crumble to the floor with unsteady breaths. It seemed he'd used up quite a bit of energy that his body wasn't quite yet ready to give up. During the event, he'd forgotten to adjust the temperature of the water (which he always preferred to control manually) and the entire bathroom was fogged up and felt like a steam room more than it did a shower.

He stood on shaky legs and steadied his breath before moving. He nearly seared his skin as he reached in to turn off the water. He decided he would rest and catch his breath before doing anything else.

He walked out and found Tony looking for his wallet. "Hey, chaos, you're awake," Tony seemed happy to see him. He couldn't respond, he was still a bit out of breath. "Hey, you okay?" Tony asked as he watched chaos let himself collapse onto his bed. "Yeah, I…I,uh…I guess I'm not ready to do the things I'm used to." "Well, you take it easy, man. Damn," he waved his hands around, "that sure was a hot shower, you gonna be okay? And, what's with the berry smell? I thought we just bought some more soap."

chaos smiled as he lay in his bed catching his breath. "I'm sorry. I guess I must have accidentally grabbed Shion's leftover soap." This was convincing enough for Tony. He found his wallet, looked in it, and as usual, found no money. He sighed in defeat and headed towards the door. "Well," he said to himself, "looks like I'll have to mooch off Hammer tonight."

The angel lazily lifted a hand to wave at Tony as he left and decided he'd not waste any energy even putting clothes on. He didn't have any energy left in him to worry about losing control. The medicine seemed to be working well, and soon he was dozing off. The last thing to cross his mind before he was fast asleep was why in the world had he let the girl get away? Something about her intrigued him.

End Chapter

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A/N: Wow, that turned out to be longer than I expected. I hope it reads smoothly! Please leave reviews and if constructive criticism is needed, please don't hesitate. Hope you enjoyed it. I'm hoping to reveal who this girl is in the next few chappies XD


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hello, hello! Sorry for the long break, again. I hope that this chapter will make up for the long wait. OH, and just wanted to give a shout out to Tylida! Anybody reading this fic MUST read Tylida's fics, they are awesome and help to inspire me to keep on truckin' w/my story XD

Disclaimer: I own nothing in regards to Xenosaga, except for this humble story….and even then, I can't even claim the characters as my own : ( …….DANG IT!

**Ch.8 No Good Deed Goes Unpunished **

_Yeshua and Mary, or rather, his Maria, as he liked to refer to her, were becoming much closer to each other than the villagers would like. The fact that he was living in a monastery and that she was rumored to be the Blessed Saint, didn't bode well with the more strict residents of the village._

_When they had the chance, the two would escape to their favourite field of flowers. It was so vibrant with the colors of spring, yet peaceful and quiet, and a nice place for them to hide from the society that shunned their interaction._

_This particular day would always be special in his heart. Although the years would slightly distort the memory and erase small details, this would be remembered as one of the best days of his existence._

_Yeshua had finally shown Mary his wings. He had been so afraid of what her reaction would be, that he held off on it for quite some time, even though he knew she'd caught him off guard once while bathing in a nearby stream._

_She hadn't been afraid of them. Instead she was mesmerized._

Soon everything was once again swirling into a mixture of older memories and newer ones. Happier ones, with sad ones. The all too familiar feeling of being cold and alone was once again upon him. He could feel himself drifting away…

The Seraphim awoke to find himself shivering and naked on his bed. He instinctively curled his legs up a bit to hide anything that could be out for all to see.

He lifted his head and looked around to find no one else in the berthing. With no windows in the room and no artificial "sunlight" currently shining, it was hard to tell how long he'd been asleep.

chaos stood up slowly and stretched out his entire body. He looked around for a clock that currently had the time for the Miltian area they were staying in.

"Eight A.M.," he mused. "No wonder no one is around. I'm sure Tony and Hammer will be stumbling in, in no time," he smirked. That was, of course, if Tony even cared to change his clothing from the night before. Either way, chaos knew there were a few more supplies that needed to be taken care of before their next departure, so he'd see them soon, so long as they knew what was good for them, according to Captain Matthews. chaos gave a soft laugh at the thought of the Captain getting after them, as he always did. Some things just never changed. He was comforted by that thought.

Once again, chaos headed towards the shower to finish what he'd tried to do the day before.

He took a relaxing, steaming shower and washed off what seemed like decades worth of dirt and sweat. He was a little embarrassed at the thought of what the nurses might have thought, having to deal with such a stinky patient. "No wonder they were so eager to stick me with things," he joked to himself.

He was contemplating letting the shower run for another twenty minutes or so, when he recalled what happened the day before.

"I should go into the town and see if I might run into her," he thought. Why had she taken his jacket? Why hadn't he stopped her?

He usually tried his best to be just and honest in his dealings with people, but lately he'd found himself more reserved and afraid to offend anyone, regardless of how wrong their actions were. The thought made him ashamed of himself. What use was he to anyone he held dear, if he couldn't bring himself to stand up for things as he should? This happened every time.

Somehow he knew that this time would be different. It would have to be……

chaos motivated himself to get dressed and out the door before the day was lost. It was nearly noon by the time he made it back onto Miltia.

As he arrived at the port, he saw Hammer walking with Tony halfway draped over his shoulders, yet still walking as well.

"Hey there, Hammer," chaos tried not to grin to widely at the familiar sight. "Need some help?" "No…." Hammer tried to sound convincing as he plopped himself and Tony down onto the nearest bench. He looked up with a slight bit of desperation in his eyes. He was way too honest, and just couldn't hide it. "I'll give you a hand," chaos said in a bright tone.

"Aw, man I'm really sorry," Hammer began to apologize. "I know you're still recovering, but honestly I can't carry this meat loaf the entire way……thanks," he looked over at chaos sheepishly. "Don't worry," chaos slightly turned the corners of his mouth up. It seemed the glow that had dulled was coming back to life in him.

Tony began to mumble some nonsense about some girl leaving him and plopped his weight onto chaos, who'd sat next to them on the bench.

"Yeah, uh…." Hammer scratched the back of his head. "he got a little too drunk, tried to talk to the girl he'd lost contact with a couple of days ago, and…well, he puked all over her. I'm thinking she's never going to give him the time of day again," Hammer seemed to fear the repercussions of Tony not getting his way. He knew he'd have to hear all about Tony's "unfair life" as he sobers up, and then he'd be in trouble with him for not warning him and helping him out sooner, and then somehow it would all be his fault.

"Uh…wow," chaos tried to sound surprised. "Well," he thought for a moment. "Let me try and help." He could feel his energy almost back to normal, and if he could help a friend in any way, he always made sure to at least try.

He leaned over towards Tony who was now flopped in a forward position…almost as if he was getting ready to hurl again.

chaos gently wrapped an arm around Tony, taking his hands into his. Tony had been holding onto his head as if trying to squeeze the pain of a migraine out through his ears.

Even though he was fully covered, and had a rather thick set of gloves on, chaos managed to emit some of his energy into Tony. He whispered something into Tony's ear. It was almost inaudible, and the little that Hammer could hear, didn't even seem like any language he understood…let alone Tony.

The low, velvety tone that came from chaos seemed to comfort Hammer, and seemed to help Tony regain some composure and strength enough to walk on his own.

Hammer could see tiny, gold "sparks" fall down from chaos' gloves. The air around them seemed static, yet comforting.

The angel smiled at them both. He pulled his hands away from Tony and folded his arms in front of himself.

"Aw, man," Tony said as if in shame. "Thanks chaos." "No problem," chaos nodded.

As if he knew they'd ask him something, chaos immediately suggested to Tony that he take a shower and rest a bit before coming back out tonight. Tony agreed sheepishly, and Hammer seemed very relieved at the thought of having the time to be able to take care of his own personal things before having to put up with Tony another night.

"Hey," Hammer looked down at chaos, who was still sitting on the bench with his arms folded, almost wrapped around himself. "Are you okay?" "I'm fine. Maybe it's a little too cool in here for me, so I better get going and catch some warm, fresh air," chaos smiled up at him. It worked. Hammer and Tony were on their way back to the Elsa before either of them could understand what he'd done. chaos had managed to hypnotize them into leaving him alone. He'd managed to distract them and avoid discussing anything in regards to himself. It seemed like things were almost back to normal with him.

As soon as chaos could no longer see them, he stood up and nearly bolted for the nearest men's room.

He kept his head low and his eyes averted towards the ground. For some reason, the space port seemed to be much larger and it seemed to take much longer than usual to get from one end to the other. It always felt like this when he was in a hurry.

Finally, he pushed his way into the swinging door of the nearest restroom and found a corner where he could be alone.

He could feel his heart racing, and without being able to control his arms, he found himself grasping at his elbows, pulling…almost tugging at the material of his jacket. He could feel his body slightly convulsing. This time around, he knew he wasn't going to lose consciousness, and he seemed able to still control most of his body.

Maybe what he'd done for Tony was a bit much for him, still.

He could feel his stomach contracting. He had nothing to throw up, so instead he just dry heaved a couple of times. He became worried when he heard himself choking. His mouth was beginning to produce too much saliva, and his lungs were starting to contract involuntarily as a result of his muscles convulsing.

He tried to look around, his eyes wide and helpless, but he found his vision was blurry.

The broken angel managed to slide his body down the wall he'd been leaning against and let himself fall halfway down.

Soon enough, the frightening, indescribable aura he'd felt when he shoved his way into the restroom, had gone away. He could feel himself calming down, and his heart rate was slowly returning to normal.

After about fifteen minutes, he was able to drop his hands and start breathing normally, again.

He looked around to see if anyone had caught what had happened, and quickly stood to wash his face at one of the sinks. He nearly collapsed from trying to get up so quickly. Thankfully, no one had entered during his ordeal.

Once again he was feeling drained.

He debated to himself whether he should head back to the Elsa. Instead of going back to sleep, chaos managed to push himself to head out into town anyway. He figured maybe it was a lack of food as well. He hadn't eaten in well over 24 hours. Hopefully a plate of curry from Moby Dick's would help to perk him up.

With a much slower pace than what he'd taken to get to the men's room, chaos walked out of the space port. Since no one had been around to stop him, he decided he was going to go ahead and try and spend the rest of the day on his own, even though it probably wasn't the wisest thing to do.

He let the sun shine in his face as he walked out, into the open air. The brightness of the day caused his eyes to shine bright and reflectively. They were like mirrors facing the brightest of blue skies.

The Seraph managed to convince himself that he'd be okay. He needed a moment to live, and forget about these set backs he'd experienced the past week.

So there he went….off to have some time to himself, away from everyone else. And maybe, to find the girl that had intrigued him so the day before.

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A/N: Alrighty, hopefully that didn't disappoint! I know the chapter was a bit dry, and I'm hoping to have some more good ideas for the next chapter. I'm trying to keep it marching along to get into some juicier stuff. As you can see, chaos still isn't 100 recovered : (

I have been researching seizures a bit lately, as a friend's husband has been recently diagnosed w/epilepsy and found out that there are all kinds of different seizures. I won't go into details in the story, but I will try and make things different once in a while. Again, I hope I don't offend anyone w/this particular subject in the story. If I do, please let me know and I will do what I can to no longer make it a subject in the story.

Also, please review! Constructive criticism is very much appreciated as well….so long as it's done tastefully XD


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